Stephen Colbert says you gotta do something about your boyfriend, America.
On Monday, which happened to be the eve of Election Day, the “Late Show” host remained unusually calm. With the highly divisive presidential race reaching its climax, for those who have already voted, that’s pretty much all there is to do at this point.
“To quote Jim Lovell from Apollo 13, Isaac Newton is in the driver’s seat now,” Colbert said. “We are in the grip of the gravitational forces of democracy, which are pulling us toward the results.”
“It’s like our country is a deep space object falling toward a black hole,” he continued. “Either we’re gonna get sucked over the event horizon into a well of corruption that not even votes can escape from, or we’ll use this gravity well to slingshot and pick up speed and go off in an entirely new direction — maybe that planet where Baby Yoda lives. He’s cute.”
For 11 minutes, the “Late Show” host laid out a number of President Donald Trump’s latest disgraceful behaviors, including applauding a caravan of his supporters that reportedly harassed a bus of Joe Biden campaign staffers. Colbert also pointed out a study showing that Trump’s rallies led to hundreds of deaths from COVID-19. At one point, he even shooed away a virtual puppet of Trump declaring victory early:
Near the end of the segment, Colbert drove his point home by comparing two different videos. The first clip showed former President Barack Obama draining a three-pointer.
“Oh my God, he got hotter. Our country’s ex boyfriend got hotter. Is he doing Peloton? Look at that butt. Put that in tennis shorts. Why did we ever stop dating this guy?” the comedian said. “Take a breath. It’s fine. I’m sure there are plenty of videos of our new boyfriend playing basketball.”
Then, Colbert played a video of Trump throwing paper towels out to a crowd in Puerto Rico after Hurricane Maria. To put it simply, he said, “We gotta dump this loser.”
Check out the full video below:
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